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Doctor's corner Social media and your mental health

Portsmouth Herald - 2/19/2017

New studies have shown that the more involved people are with social media — especially young people — the greater the risk of negative side effects. These range from depression to addiction to social media to cyber bullying. Let’s talk about why social media can be harmful, and how to avoid it affecting your well-being.

How can social media cause depression? There are a number of ways social media can cause depression; these are outlined below.

Everyone else is living a better life

On Facebook, and similar sites, we tend to see only the happiest experiences of people’s lives. The postings of achievements, celebrations, vacations and special outings create an idealized version of most people’s existence.

“Facebook life” is a far cry from the day-to-day reality that most of us experience. However, some people begin to believe that everyone else is living a better life based on social media postings. The more time they spend on social media, the more their own lives suffer in comparison. Why aren’t they enjoying this success and having fun every minute? What may start as a mild case of envy can, over time, turn into real depression, especially if the person spends a lot of time on social media. In fact, researchers at the University of Pittsburgh School of Medicine found that those who used social media frequently were twice as likely to suffer from depression as those who viewed it occasionally.

I’m being ignored

If someone posts on social media, they hope for a comment or reply. If no one responds, they wonder where their “friends” are. Doesn’t anyone like them any more? The answer is of course they do; people get busy; they get caught up in replying to the endless posts, emails and texts that clog our inboxes today, and sometimes comments get overlooked. Still, some people feel depressed if there is not a regular flurry of comments to their postings.

I’m being rejected

We have all experienced times when we wanted to be friends with someone but they didn’t return our feelings in kind. Whenever this happens, it doesn’t matter how old you are, it still stings. Social media, with its constant round of friend requests and “unfriending” puts us up against possible rejection on a more constant basis.

Often, if a friend request is ignored it is just an oversight, but sometimes it is deliberate and a connection is not going to be made. Some people feel greatly hurt by this, and if it happens repeatedly, the hurt magnifies. If this happens, try limiting time in the social media world and spend more time with your “real” friends who value their connection with you. Social media friendships are often fickle, whereas real time friendships are more apt to endure.

I overshared and feel humiliated

This is one of the biggest risks of social media, and it has cost people friendships, relationships, school enrollments and even their jobs. The emotional fallout from oversharing can also be damaging. It is vital to remember that whatever you post on social media is out there for the world to see. Before you pour your heart out, let fly with angry words, or post those pictures of that wild party, remember that ANYONE can see or find this information at ANY TIME.

Never post anything in the heat of emotion, and always ask yourself — will this bother me if my significant other, employer, parents/children, or best friend sees it? Social media is always live, so think carefully before you hit “share.”

If you have overshared, promptly remove the post in question and issue a statement saying, “I’m sorry; I should not have said (posted) that. I made a mistake.” If your remark or posting involves another person, apologize to them in person. Take a break from social media so you are not seeing any lingering comments, and immerse yourself in other pursuits. Eventually, the drama will pass.

I’m being bullied

Post a comment that someone disagrees with, and others can descend on it like a pack of wolves. Teenagers can especially feel the weight of cyber bullying just for how they dress or act. Online bullies can pull in dozens of other cohorts to write horrible posts and there can be little recourse to make it stop.

With young people, cyber bullying can spill over to real-time bullying at school. The very thing that makes social media fun — the ability to connect and share with large groups of people — is the very thing that can make it dangerous and damaging when used for the wrong purpose.

If you are being bullied, stop responding to posts or comments. Delete your social media accounts and give it a break for a while. Notify your social media provider of the bullying. If at any time, there are threats of any kind, notify police. If your child is being bullied, do the same but also notify school authorities. Monitor their phones for any other harassment. Talk with your child’s school counselor or other mental health professional about how best to support them during this time. Constantly remind your children that they are loved and that this will pass.

How do I avoid social media depression?

First, limit your time on social media. Instead of posting or checking your feeds every few hours, try once a day, or every few days. The less time you spend on it, the less apt you are to get involved in drama, overshare, or feel depressed by others’ posts. Second, be realistic. Remind yourself that EVERYONE has problems. Count your blessings and know that YOUR life may look glamorous to others. Third, if you feel at risk for depression of any kind, talk to your doctor. It may be time to see a mental health care provider who can counsel you on the best type of treatment.

Is social media really addicting? What is the cure?

Yes, social media really can become addicting. People with this addiction feel compelled to constantly check their social media feeds and, if separated from the technology to do so, cannot think about anything else. They become almost exhausted by the need to stay updated, and are so absorbed in social media that they have greatly limited their involvement in real life.

The cure is to become more engaged in real life. Make plans to connect with friends and family in person. Get involved with real activities — play a sport, take a class, engage in a hobby or get involved with a charity. Spend time outside and really pay attention to the world around you. Turn off your phone during these times. Gradually lengthen the amount of time you go without posting or viewing social media. The more you become engaged in the real world the less important the social media world will be.

If your child seems addicted to social media, the same suggestions apply — get them more involved with real activities and limit their phone time. In time, they will re-enter the real world.

Summary

Most of us enjoy social media without incident and its positive impact cannot be overlooked. However, it can be a minefield if used the wrong way, or if people attach too much weight to what’s displayed on Facebook. Things that might not be an issue in real life become magnified on the Internet. Comments that might not be made face to face are carelessly lobbed in cyberspace. For these reasons, “living” too much in the social media world can be harmful to one’s mental health.

Social media is meant to provide snapshots of our daily lives so we can give families and friends an idea of how we are. It is not meant to become our entire life. Life passes by quickly; be careful not to live it through your phone.

— Dr. David Schopick is a psychiatrist in private practice in Portsmouth. He is board certified by the American Board of Psychiatry and Neurology in adult, adolescent and child psychiatry and has been serving patients in the Greater Seacoast area and beyond for more than 25 years. For information, call 431-5411 or visit www.schopickpsychiatry.com.